


"It's Christmas!" - Messing With the Lyrics

by Couldbeamidget



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Gen, Stupid Christmas carol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-18 07:12:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16990401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Couldbeamidget/pseuds/Couldbeamidget
Summary: What it says on the box. I really enjoy works based on holidays, but write so slowly that I never make the date on time. So, something simple, stupid, and hopefully amusing to read.Also *cough cough* if anyone is interested in making a podcast of this...have at it. I would like to, but not only do I not have any recording equipment, my voice sounds like a coked-up squirrel sucking helium. Seriously. I used to read and record text books for visually impaired students in college. I used to think..." Those poor people, having to listen to me if they want to study!





	"It's Christmas!" - Messing With the Lyrics

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lockedinjohnlock (Podfixx)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Podfixx/gifts), [consulting_smartass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/consulting_smartass/gifts), [aranel_parmadil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aranel_parmadil/gifts), [PoppyAlexander](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PoppyAlexander/gifts), [CumberCurlyGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CumberCurlyGirl/gifts), [Kameo (Brainygiirl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brainygiirl/gifts), [liriodendron](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liriodendron/gifts), [KeelieThompson1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KeelieThompson1/gifts), [lovetincture](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetincture/gifts), [Chryse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chryse/gifts), [paradoxsmiles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paradoxsmiles/gifts), [Maribor_Petrichor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maribor_Petrichor/gifts), [sussexbound (SamanthaLenore)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaLenore/gifts), [blueink3](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueink3/gifts), [MojoFlower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MojoFlower/gifts), [Breath4Soul](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Breath4Soul/gifts), [ladyflowdi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyflowdi/gifts), [AxeMeAboutAxinomancy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AxeMeAboutAxinomancy/gifts), [BakerTumblings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakerTumblings/gifts), [lookupkate](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lookupkate/gifts), [I_am_lampy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_lampy/gifts), [hyacinth_sky747](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyacinth_sky747/gifts), [Blind_Author](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blind_Author/gifts), [SailorChibi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorChibi/gifts), [wendymarlowe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/wendymarlowe/gifts), [sgam76](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgam76/gifts), [msdisdain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/msdisdain/gifts), [AtlinMerrick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtlinMerrick/gifts), [TSylvestris](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TSylvestris/gifts), [cwb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cwb/gifts), [threadoflife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/threadoflife/gifts), [thesignsofserbia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesignsofserbia/gifts), [MapleleafCameo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MapleleafCameo/gifts), [SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinceWhenDoYouCallMe_John/gifts), [Dayja](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dayja/gifts), [221b_hound](https://archiveofourown.org/users/221b_hound/gifts), [pandoras_chaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandoras_chaos/gifts), [J_Baillier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_Baillier/gifts), [SilentAuror](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentAuror/gifts), [darkest_bird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkest_bird/gifts), [CaitlinFairchild](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaitlinFairchild/gifts), [Engazed](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Engazed/gifts), [kedgeree](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kedgeree/gifts), [Ellipsical](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellipsical/gifts), [Mildredandbobbin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mildredandbobbin/gifts), [WhimsicalEthnographies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhimsicalEthnographies/gifts), [verityburns](https://archiveofourown.org/users/verityburns/gifts), [MirithGriffin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MirithGriffin/gifts), [SincerelyChaos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SincerelyChaos/gifts), [CeruleanDarkangelis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CeruleanDarkangelis/gifts), [ampersand_ch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ampersand_ch/gifts), [kinklock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinklock/gifts), [hubblegleeflower](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hubblegleeflower/gifts), [Mssmithlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mssmithlove/gifts), [jackotah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackotah/gifts), [twistedthicket1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedthicket1/gifts), [BeautifulFiction](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeautifulFiction/gifts), [aquabelacqua](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquabelacqua/gifts), [DiscordantWords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiscordantWords/gifts), [ScopesMonkey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScopesMonkey/gifts), [allonsys_girl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/allonsys_girl/gifts).



> Hi! I am dedicating this bit of silliness to my favourite authors and voice artists who brighten my days and keep my mind busy when I need it to be. 
> 
> Ta very much!

                      The Twelve Days of Sherlock

On the first day of Christmas, Stamford gave to me...a crack shot with PTSD

 

   On the second day of Christmas, a cabbie gave to me...two poison pills and the enigmatic Moriarty

 

   On the third day of Christmas, big brother gave to me...three judicial pardons, two stints at rehab, and a very loyal live-in MD

 

   On the fourth day of Christmas, Sebastian gave to me...four painful flashbacks, three Chinese smugglers, two brief garrotings, and a flatmate who blogs about me

 

    On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me... five CEEEEN-surings...four flakes of skin, three angry smiles, Carl Power's shoes, and a swimming pool in episode 3

 

  On the sixth day of Christmas, the Royals gave to me...a Dom called The Whiphand, five FEEEE-lonies...four purloined parrots, three lost socks, two petty slurs, and an ear hat/slash/death frisbee

 

On the seventh day of Christmas, Miss Hooper gave to me...seven pair of kidneys, sixty separate stab wounds, five TAAR-nished rings...four budding psychos, three broken noses, two hateful siblings, and a pathologist drooling on me

 

On the eighth day of Christmas a madman gave to me... toxins in my urine, seven frozen corpses, six stealthy snipers, five REEEED herrings...four texts from Gil, three pollen spores, two buttered scones, and a trace amount of TNT

 

On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...nine purple bruises, eight iMac laptops, seven types of curry, six jilted ladies, five KIIID-nappings...four mouldy plates, three empty graves, two missing teeth, and a spare set of violin strings

 

On the tenth day of Christmas, AGRA gave to me...a near-death experience, nine hallucinations, eight severed fingers, seven stupid subplots, six frantic chases, five COOOF-fee rings...four bespoke suits, three empty years, too (many) pissed-off shippers, and a widow with a sequined g-string

 

On the eleventh day of Christmas, Bill Wiggins gave to me...eleven full syringes, ten waking nightmares, nine murder-suicides, eight bloody harpoons, seven obtuse clients, six skins a-flaying, five TRAAAF-fickings...four smashed-in bins, three bolt holes, two serviettes, and a "Fuck you" to the CCTV

 

On the twelfth day of Christmas Euros gave to me...twelve blown out windows, eleven pippettes piping, ten body bags a-seeping, nine semtex charges, eight boffin bylines, seven useless tie pins, six hours of terror, five PRIII-son breaks... four jewelry thieves, three smoking guns, two low-tar smokes, and JOHN WATSON IS BUGGERING ME

 

       Ho Ho Ho....Merry Christmas, my fandom!

  
       


End file.
